Can't Stay Away
by crazy-wild-and-free
Summary: Instead of being completely oblivious, Bella realizes she's using Jacob for all the wrong reasons. When she pulls away from him because of her revelation, she quickly finds that she can't stay away. For so long she was so sure that his feelings for her were one sided and that she'd never return his feelings. But, if that were really true then why is she feeling the way she is now?
1. Can't Be Selfish

**This idea that's been on my mind for a while now paired up with insomnia has transformed into a flash fiction, drabble like sized multi-chapter fic. I don't know how long exactly it will be, but I do know that it won't be too long. Depending on my sleep patterns, it'll more than likely be updated every night. Umm...so, yeah, I think that's it. Hope you like it!**

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 1 - Can't Be Selfish**

It was about two in the morning when I awoke from a not so deep sleep.

My entire body was covered in sweat.

My face was tear stained with more tears still pouring out of my eyes.

The reoccurring nightmare that replayed that one single moment, over and over again, was awful. It just wouldn't go away. Every single night, my subconscious had been forcing the memory into my nightmares.

The only good thing about it was that it managed to scare, no pun intended, away the previous reoccurring nightmare.. But, for some reason that I didn't know and until recently didn't even think was possible, this nightmare was worse. And, honestly, I'd take the old nightmares back over this one in a heartbeat, if I could.

I had been having the new reoccurring nightmare ever since I made the decision to cut all ties with **_him_ **for good and went to see him one last time and told him. It was probably the hardest decision of my life, but I had to do it.

My choice was mandatory. I couldn't let my stubborn and selfishness be my guide any longer. My choice was for the best.

Thanks to the nightmare, I could recite every word said by both of us. Even worse, the sight of the tears in his eyes during the hard goodbye were embedded in my brain.

The memory made me want to take back everything, jump into his arms and never let go, but I knew I couldn't. I had to be strong. I couldn't take the words back. No matter how much it killed me inside not to. This was for the best.

As I told him that day, it's not fair to keep being selfish with him. He deserved better than that. He deserved so much better than, the damaged goods, me.

_"I can't. I'm sorry," I told him, apologetically, trying to hold back the tears that were pleading to be let out._

_"Bella..."_

_You know what? Screw keeping the tears in._

_"I can't keep hurting you this way. It's not fair to you or me. But, mainly it's not fair to you," I cried, letting the tears pour out of my eyes and down my face like they were a version of Niagara Falls._

_"Bella, please..." he pleaded with me, his own eyes filled with tears as he reached forward to grab my arm._

_I quickly moved out of his grasp, turned away, and ran to my truck. "Please, just let me go," I called back, my voice sounding just as horrible as I felt._

_"Bella!" he called after me, his voice breaking._

_I got into my truck and slammed the door, then I rolled the window down and looked at him, one last time._

_"I'm so sorry," I apologized. "I just can't be selfish with you any longer. You deserve so much better than me."_

_And, then I drove away, refusing to look back because I knew exactly what sight I would be met with...and I just knew that it would absolutely kill me._

That was a week ago.

A week ago today.

The hurt I was feeling was so horrible.

It was even more horrible than the hurt I felt when Edward left me in the woods that day.

However, I knew in my heart that I still loved Edward. And, that I always would.

I also knew that it wasn't fair for me to string _**him**_ along, knowing that.

Therefore, I was sticking to my guns...and cutting all ties with Jacob. No matter how bad it hurt me. I could not be selfish with him anymore. It just wasn't fair to either of us. Especially him.

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	2. Can't Fool Myself

_**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows. They all mean so much to me.**_

_**Also, I now have planned the story out. It will be a total of seven chapters.**_

_**So, with that being said, here's the next chapter. Enjoy!**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 2 - Can't Fool Myself**

At three in the morning the next night, I was once again woken up from my restless sleep by the same memory replayed nightmare that had been haunting me for an entire week.

Thanks to the nightmare, my only choice now was to lie awake until daybreak, thinking. My early mornings now consisted of the same routine. I would lay awake thinking about how I'd manage to fool myself and everyone else this time into thinking that everything was fine. When in reality everything was far from fine.

It seemed as if I was forever going to be haunted by that one memory. I was sentenced to a life full of pain and suffering without an end to any of it in sight. Sadly, I had no one to blame for it other than myself.

I knew that I had the power to fix it all. But, I couldn't take it back. No matter how much I wanted to. It really was for the best.

If I never got another good night's sleep due to my nightmarish punishment, then so be it. My life would be ruined because of it, but oh well. I'd somehow get over it. Or, I'd get by, one way or another. That would be better than nothing, right?

Despite whatever would happen to me, at least I wouldn't have any regrets because I ruined Jacob's life as well. It may take some time, but I'm sure that one day he'll find someone who will love him wholly and solely. He'll find someone who will have no baggage and who will see him as their first and only choice.

Someone better.

Someone who isn't me.

Oh, god.

Someone who isn't me.

No, god, no.

Just the mere thought of him being with someone else brought tears to my eyes.

The thought of living, all the while, knowing that Jacob was happy with someone other than me...no, no, no.

If I wasn't already laying down, the thought would've brought me to my knees.

The reality of what my choice would cause came crashing down on me.

By choosing to push Jacob away, I was pushing him right into some other girl's arms. Some other girl's arms that weren't mine.

Oh, god.

What had I done?

Why hadn't I thought this through better?

What was wrong with me?

In the end, I couldn't take it anymore.

Screw my choice.

Screw not being selfish anymore.

Screw everything.

I had to see him. It was that simple.

As soon as the reality of my choice crashed down upon me, I knew right then and there that I couldn't fool myself any longer. The pain and future consequences of my choice were just way too much to handle.

The pain was so bad that I couldn't believe that I even lasted a week. Maybe, I lasted so long because I'm stronger than I thought. Or maybe I'm just way too stubborn for my own good? Either way, I knew what I had to do. I knew where I needed to go.

Quickly, I threw the covers off of me, rolled out of bed, got dressed, and ran out of the house not even caring if the sound of my frantic footsteps or my truck starting woke Charlie up.

I just had to see him.

I needed to see him just as badly as I needed oxygen.

At this point, I'm sure that the rest of my sanity depended on me seeing him again.

And, soon.

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	3. Can't Stay Away

_**Thank you for all of your support so far everyone! It means a lot to me!**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 3 - Can't Stay Away**

I probably broke every speed limit there was on my way to La Push. But, it was three something in the morning. As if a cop would actually be around at that time.

Besides, even at that, it was really the least of my concerns right then.

All I could think about was getting to Jacob's as fast as I could.

I really needed to see him.

I parked on the side of the road, across from the driveway because I didn't want to wake Billy with the sound of my truck, and walked the driveway to the house.

I wasn't the least bit surprised when I found the front door unlocked.

I had to roll my eyes and shake my head at that.

Guys will be guys.

Well that, and also La Push was a rather tight-knit community where everyone knew everyone. So, obviously, no one was going to walk into the house uninvited knowing who lived there.

I mean, other than me. But, I highly doubted that Jacob would be mad if he knew I was here.

Despite the creepiness of what I was doing, I just couldn't stay away. I needed to see him somehow. And, if that meant being a creeper and coming into his house unannounced in the middle of the night to do so, then so be it.

I made a beeline to Jacob's room, and went inside, closing the door ever so quietly behind me, hoping and praying that I wouldn't wake him up.

The sight I was met with when I turned around almost brought me to my knees.

He looked so peaceful, yet pained as he slept. I didn't have to be a genius to know that the pained look was all because of me.

The pain that I was feeling before now was gone. I don't know why the pain had subsided the exact moment I stepped into the room. But, it was almost as if there was something greater that had been urging me to come see him. I don't know what that greater something was, but I know what I felt and what I didn't feel anymore.

However, in that pains place was a different kind of pain. The new pain I felt was the pain brought on by hurting Jacob as bad as I did as opposed to the pain of being away from him.

I knew it was wrong and creepy, but I couldn't stop myself from gently sitting down next to him on the bed that just barely managed to fit his whole body, and watching him.

The heartbreaking vampire that I will not name used to watch me sleep. Now that I think about it...truly think about it...it was weird and I can't believe that I was ever okay with it. Or that I found it romantic.

But, for some reason watching Jacob sleep didn't seem nearly as weird as _**him**_ doing it to me did.

I'll probably never actually understand my own logic, at this point, but it is what is, right?

The urge to lay down next to Jacob quickly became too hard to fight, so that's exactly what I did.

I managed not to wake him as I laid down and snuggled up against him, gently placing my head against his chest.

In a not so strange way, like I would have once thought it'd be, it felt right to be where I was now.

It felt like this was where I belonged.

**~CSA~**

Apparently, I ended up falling asleep not long after I arrived.

When I woke up, the slightest bit of light was shining through the window.

Slowly and reluctantly, I pulled away from where I was comfortably laying against Jacob and tilted my head upward.

I was just a tad bit surprised when I made eye contact with the very familiar black-brown ones that I had come to know and love over the past month or two.

His eyes were full of confusion and all I could do was manage to whisper, "I can't stay away."

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	4. Can't Deal With It

_**Thanks for the reviews, favorites, and follows!**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 4 - Can't Deal With It**

We laid there in silence just staring at each other for a while.

That is until Jacob broke the silence.

"Why are you here, Bella?" he asked me in a hushed tone.

"I don't...I just...It's just..."

I wasn't sure how to explain everything that I was feeling and that I had felt earlier.

"Spit it out, Bella," Jacob urged.

It didn't take much for me to cave and confess it all to him. "It just hurt so bad. I couldn't handle the pain," I admitted to him as tears started to fall from my eyes.

"Shh...it's fine, Bells," Jacob whispered in a comforting tone as he pulled me closer to him.

"It makes no sense," I cried as he moved his hand in comforting circles on my back. "The pain...it hurt so, so bad. And, then I came here," I paused feeling extremely puzzled. "It just went away the moment I stepped in here."

By time I finished speaking, I was crying so much that I was gasping for air. "It hurt even worse than...than when **_he_** left."

Jacob sighed and said quietly, "I know it did."

Almost immediately, my crying died down and confusion took over.

I pulled away and looked up at him. "You know?"

Jacob nodded his head.

"How?" I asked, wondering if there was something that I was missing.

"Because..." he started, but trailed off.

I was so confused. "Because why?"

Jacob didn't say anything.

"Jacob? What aren't you telling me?"

Jacob took a deep breath before whispering, "I imprinted."

Imprinted?

I had never heard of that before.

"What does that mean?" I asked, clueless.

"It's when a wolf chooses its mate for life," he explained.

I was still confused about what it all meant.

"But, what does that have to do with me...us...the pain that I was feeling before?"

Jacob looked down at me, and our eyes locked in an intense gaze.

It was then that he said those four words that would change my life for good.

"I imprinted on you."

"Oh," was all I could say as I looked anywhere but at him.

When I didn't say anything else for a few minutes, Jacob moved away from me as much as he could in the small bed.

Him moving caused me to look up at him to see what he was doing.

"So, is that why I was hurting so bad?" I asked him, quietly.

He looked down at me and shook his head. "That's usually what happens when a wolf imprints," he told me. "Except normally it's the one who imprinted that feels the pain when the imprintee rejects them. Not the actual imprintee."

"What exactly does that mean, then?" I questioned. "I mean, that I felt the pain, too?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I honestly don't know."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but before I could, Jacob beat me to it.

"Dad's awake," he said. "I have to go help him out of bed."

I nodded my head in understanding and reluctantly got out of bed.

Jacob got up and made his way to the door. "I'll be right back," he told me with a small smile.

I smiled back briefly. "Okay."

Once he was gone, I started to think and soon enough I was in panic mode.

Oh, god.

Jacob imprinted on me. I'm his mate.

But, what about Edward? I still loved him.

Oh, god. The guilt.

This was too much. I had to get out of here.

I waited a minute or two before I made a break for it.

I quickly ran out of Jacob's bedroom and made a beeline for the front door. I didn't stop running until I was at my truck.

I got in, started it, and sped off as fast as my truck would go.

Call me a coward, but I just couldn't deal with it.

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	5. Can't Keep Doing This

_**I got this chapter finished sooner than I originally thought, so I'm gonna go ahead and post it now.**_

_**Hmm...so, it seems that everyone is against Bella after last chapter. Well, hopefully, this chapter will change your minds.**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 5 - Can't Keeping Doing This**

The second that I drove away, the pain was back.

What was it with all of this pain?

I mean, even Jacob said that the pain was usually only felt by the imprinter. Not the imprintee.

So, why was I feeling this pain, then?

Was it trying to tell me something? That's really the only explanation that I could think of.

If that really was the case, though, then what exactly was the pain trying to tell me?

Oh, right.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the pain was trying to tell me that Jacob was the right choice. The proof was in the fact that the pain stopped as soon as I was with him.

So, that question was answered.

However, it left me with another question.

Where would me actually choosing Jacob leave Edward? After all, I still love him. I couldn't help but feel guilty for possibly moving on when I still loved him.

I knew that I was taking the coward's route by running away, but was else was there to do?

Jacob deserved someone who would love him completely...not half love him, half love someone else.

Oh, god.

Here I went with the someone else again. Isn't thinking like that part of the reason I am where I am right now?

What the hell was wrong with me?

I was even starting to hate myself at this point.

How pathetic could I really be?

I mean, I had a boy...no scratch that, a man. Yeah, a man. I had a man who loved me more than life itself just about and had just told me that I was _**it**_ for him...and what did I do? I ran.

And, why did I run? 'Cause I still love the man...no, scratch that, too...the boy. Yeah, the boy...the boy who left me in the middle of the woods like I was the remains of his latest supper.

Which lead me to wonder...what the hell was I doing right now?

It's pretty obvious who the right choice was.

Yet, I was running away like a coward would.

_The right choice._

Those three single words were all that kept replaying in my mind.

The most shocking thing about those words were that they were actually voiced by myself, overriding the previous voice that I had craved to hear any chance that I got during the past few months.

My own voice was now overriding the voice that I had craved and gotten used to often hearing whenever I was doing dangerous things.

Dangerous things!

That's it!

It was right then that it all suddenly clicked into place.

There was a right choice and there was a wrong choice.

And, the wrong choice had to go away completely.

I only knew of one way to make that happen.

I finally realized what I had to do now.

I just couldn't keep doing this to myself.

To Jacob.

To everyone else.

But, mainly to Jacob.

He deserved so much better.

Yet, he still wanted me.

But, he couldn't have me. Not when I was like this.

So, I had to do something about it. And, I knew just what to do, too.

I quickly made a u-turn and drove back to La Push with a specific destination in mind.

I would end the visions and voice.

Once and for all.

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	6. Can't Hold On Anymore

_**I'm feeling motivated tonight, so here's the next chapter. Then, tomorrow sometime I'll post the final chapter.**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 6 - Can't Hold On Anymore**

I drove until I couldn't drive anymore and then walked the rest of the way to my destination.

I'm not sure how long exactly passed by between then and now, but time wasn't really that important.

What was important, however, was doing whatever I had to in order to finally be able to move on and make the right choice.

I just couldn't hold on to what used to be anymore. It just wasn't healthy.

I was hurting myself.

I was hurting Jacob.

I was hurting many others.

The pain I was inflicting on myself and everyone else was all thanks to my inability to move on. But, not anymore.

As much as it pained me to say goodbye to _**him**_, once and for all, I knew it was for the best.

I had made my choice, and this time I would not take it back.

No matter what, unlike before when I caved under the pressure and the pain and took it back, I wouldn't take it back this time. And, that was because this choice had to do with the wrong choice. Not the right choice.

I slowly walked up to the edge of the cliff and looked over at the water below.

This was not my smartest idea, by any means.

But, I knew that it was the only way to finally get the closure that I needed.

It was the only way to get the closure that I needed in order to stop my pain as well as everyone else's.

This was it.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer to the edge, until the tip of my toes hung over.

As if on cue, I could hear _**his**_ voice in my mind.

"For the last time," I said to myself, out loud.

"Don't do this, Bella," the reminder of his voice that I had created in my mind said.

I shook my head. "I can't do this anymore," I spoke quietly.

"Bella, love, step away from the ledge," his voice pleaded with me.

I couldn't stop myself from tearing up.

"It has to stop," I whispered.

"Bella, back away from the edge, now," his voice was more forceful.

But, I ignored him.

"I can't hold on anymore."

"Bella, please."

"No!" I screamed. "I need to let go of you."

"Bella..."

"It's over. I'm moving on," I said confidently, wiping the tears away from my face. "No more tears being shed for you," I sniffled forcing my tears to stop. "No more seeing you! No more hearing you! It's over! I'm done!" I yelled. "You've held me down long enough. I refuse to be weak any longer."

I was holding nothing back now.

"I _**can't** _hold on anymore. I _**won't** _hold on anymore. And, I'm _**not** _holding on anymore.

In an instant, the second the last word left my month, for the first time in months, I felt a heavy weight lift off of my shoulders.

"Edward?" I questioned, but got no reply.

I grinned so wide that my face almost started to hurt.

"I'm free!" I exclaimed. "I'm finally free!"

This time the tears that fell down my face weren't those of sorrow. They were those of relief and happiness.

I felt lighter.

I felt different.

I felt like me again.

But, that wasn't one hundred percent a good thing. Along with being myself again returned my clumsiness.

While basking in my freedom, I forgot that I was on the edge of the cliff.

Before I could correct myself, I lost my balance and was on my way to face planting in the water.

Oh, god. This was gonna hurt.

Why was it that something like this had to happen to me the moment I got myself together again?

The last thing I heard before hitting the water was Jacob screaming my name.

"Bella!"

And, the last thought that went through my mind before I blacked out was...

It would be so awful if I never got the chance to actually tell Jacob that I finally chose him, wholly and solely.

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**Alright, so there it is!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


	7. Can't Keep Living In the Past

_**Alright, we're at the end of the story now. I hope you have all enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except the plot...sort of._

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**Chapter 7 - Can't Keep Living In the Past**

The next thing I could make out was the feeling of my insides aching like I'd just been turned inside out and then hit by a bus or something just as big and dangerous.

A simpler way of explaining it would be to just say that I felt like I was dying.

The only thing that was keeping me from just succumbing to the pain and letting death take me was the sound of a familiar voice.

"Come on, Bella. Don't die on me!"

Fighting against the pain and urge to just give in, I tried to breath again.

In the next moment, I was coughing up water and slowly some of the aching started to subside. Not completely, but just enough.

"Oh, thank god."

Now fighting with myself to open my eyes, I somehow managed to do just that, even though it felt like they were glued shut.

I opened my mouth to say something when I realized that it was Jacob's voice that I'd been hearing, but my throat felt raw and it hurt to even try to speak, so I just closed my mouth and let it go for now.

Shivers ran through my body.

Feeling me shaking, Jacob pulled me close to him and held me to warm me up.

A few minutes passed by before my throat felt better enough that I could get a few words out, at least.

"Thank you."

Jacob looked down at me with eyes full of confusion. "Why did you go up there alone?"

"Had to," I whispered.

His eyes went wide. "What? Try and kill yourself?!"

I shook my head quickly and answered quietly. "No."

"Then why?"

"Had to let go."

"Let go?"

"You wouldn't understand," I told him.

"Try me," he challenged.

"You'll think..." I paused to give my sore throat a break. "I'm crazy."

Jokingly Jacob replied, "It's kind of too late for that."

I rolled my eyes and stated sarcastically, "Haha."

"Please, tell me."

I sighed.

Although it took me a while to tell him everything because of my throat being sore, I explained to him about seeing and hearing Edward in my head ever since he left me.

I, also, told him about how I had to go up and stand on the edge of the cliff to make it seem like I was going to jump in order to see Edward one last time so that I could let go of him completely.

Then, I got to the part that lead us to here, right now. I told him that I was so happy about finally being free that I accidentally fell off the cliff. I swear I saw him trying to hold back a laugh when I finished telling him that part.

"Why'd you do it?" he asked once I finished explaining everything to him.

I looked up at him and smiled. "Because I can't live in the past."

A look of curiosity took over his facial features.

I smiled again, even bigger this time, as I leaned up to kiss him.

When we pulled away moments later, I said with a wide grin, "I can, however, focus on whatever future I have with you."

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**So, there it is! The ending of Can't Stay Away. Hope you all enjoyed it!**

**Thoughts? Let me know. ****Review, please?!**

**Thank you!**


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